This early morning, I was all set and organized, ready to go to our amazingly abundant, rich, juicy and lush farmer's market with my nine-year-old son, and fill our kitchen with goodness for enhanced well-being throughout the week; in body and in mind. Because, I've noticed, the better stuff I put in my body, the better thoughts come into my head. Filled, with the effort and strength it takes to pull oneself out of holes or from under mountains, with a renewed intention to take good care of us though the nutrition we put into our body temples.
Then I double checked my bank account.
As in empty.
Adrenaline rush. Ask my son if he has money, he is a bit shocked. I don't explain. Change of plans. I was blessed to be able to call someone up early, and say, "Hey, may I please come in to work today?" and so blessed and thankful to receive a clear yes. And to get paid cash in hand at the end of the day. Thankful beyond tangible measure. And acknowledgement of the support of something greater than me.
And as always, through the pain, a lesson, a teaching, a revelation, whatever you wish to call it. An awakening to reality and to what is truly my Now of what self-care looks like. Enough. Enough of that which got me into that position in the first place. Enough of this pattern that just cycles back into itself, over and over and over.
Today I choose to move forward in a direction where I thrive. I no longer need to live day-to-day to survive. I don't need to hustle. I don't need to attach myself to this addiction to adrenaline, to the thrill, to the illusion of creativity through needing immediately to create something out of nothing. I choose to thrive on the gift of creating beauty out of abundance and safety and also pure inspiration, without the fear-based thrill and push. So, whoa, revelation as I write: Universe, ...oh my gosh, I finally hear You. Blessed! If I don't use the Gift of Creativity that I Am, the Universe will find a way for me to get creative.
It is safe for me to be and feel well.
It is okay for me to be and feel well.
It is okay for me to thrive financially so I may apply my time, energy and resources into being Truly creative, and giving myself the permission
to be me fully.
May it be so.